June 22, 2008 – 2:40 pm
So I mentioned this paper in an earlier post, and I mentioned it on a few other ex-member forums as well.
Interesting the range of reactions it got, spanning from wide-eyed “That explains everything!” to hysterical gnashing of teeth “But WE weren’t a CULT you know!” Anyway I have finally managed to read through the entire thing for myself, and I’ve let it percolate for a day or so. All emphasis is my own, my remarks are bolded in brackets.
Imitative Learning
More recently, the field of neurobiology through its use of imaging studies of the brain has suggested an additional viewpoint on imitative learning. Imaging studies show that neurons in certain areas of the brain are stimulated when a growing child perceives the emotions of a parent. That is, by simply observing a parent’s emotional state, certain areas of the child’s brain are activated. These areas would usually be stimulated by the child directly if he or she were experiencing that emotion. Therefore, the discovery of the functions served by mirror neurons may suggest a human readiness to imitate the behaviors of a parental figure, and mirror neurons can be seen as building blocks used in the development of some identifications (Olds, 2006). [Read more on mirror neurons here.]
Identifications also might occur by making loss of a loved object more tolerable. For example, at bedtime, the child might sing to herself or her doll in the manner that her mother sang to her. In this way, she is diminishing the impact of the loss of mother’s availability and is learning to give herself comfort.
Identification with the Aggressor
Although identifications are usually associated with love, identifications also are made during experiences of danger. To lessen anxiety, some children or adults might interject characteristics of the anxiety-provoking object to cope with experiences of panic and helplessness. Anna Freud described this kind of identification as “identification with the aggressor” (A. Freud, 1936). In this type of identification, the individual identifies with the object’s attitude by projecting danger onto the outside and away from the object. This is an intrapsychic reaction to a real threat or actual traumatic experience. Emch (1944) further theorizes that, in some cases, where one or both parents are “unknowable” because of unpredictable, violent, or chaotic behavior or prolonged absence, the child may imitate the most “salient” of the parents’ behaviors with the unconscious aim of gaining some predictability in a difficult life.
That last sentence is the best non-victimizing (empowering even) explanation I have seen, for those 2nd-generation parents who continued on in the Spanky Meredith school of child discipline.
(Check out the latest testimony over at Ekklesia for a real live example of this. Also while I’m on the subject of Ekklesia, sign up for their new Forum, it looks like they need members.)
In contrast to the first-generation cult member, the child who is born or raised in a cult has neither the previous personality nor a cohesively formed personality on which the new cultic personality is imposed. Aside from inherent temperament, basic character becomes affected and shaped by the child’s reaction to the cult experience. The cult personality is not superimposed, but becomes an aspect of the original personality.
I know that sounds depressing right? Read through some of the articles on the site, that may actually have made us stronger human beings. Or something. I’m still wrestling with this one.
In the cult, the charismatic leader is seen as extraordinary, all-powerful, and as an ideal being. The role of the parent often is usurped by the cult leader. Previously, I have written about the ways in which the cult leader interferes with parental authority over children (Goldberg, 2003). Rebellious, or even questioning, behavior typically is dealt with harshly, and this response serves as an example to all the cult members, especially children. Therefore, to lessen anxiety while in the cult, the growing child (to survive) often learns to be passive in response to the harsh, controlling nature of the cult leader.
Sound familiar? Yeah I thought so too.
As a result of this adaptation, the child may adopt a submissive, masochistic attitude as a response to the leader’s authority and, therefore, develop an internal experience of being insignificant or bad. This process might lead to the internalization of a harsh, critical conscience and a tendency toward self-blame.
Anyone else here a classic perfectionist? Yeah thought so. I’m actually an apathetic perfectionist. I know whatever I do I’m not going to get right anyway, so why bother trying? At least, that’s me on my bad days. Which I hope to have fewer of, in the years ahead.
When those who have been raised in cults leave that world in young adulthood, they have to enter an entirely new sociocultural environment—a wider world with new expectations and rules. These former cult members usually have tremendous difficulty with that adjustment. I have worked with several individuals who told me that entrance into the world outside the cult is complicated by the fact that their cultic upbringing has left them deprived of many coping skills to adapt to that task. They have difficulty adjusting to the problems that the external world presents and difficulty dealing with a variety of situations that others would find to be commonplace.
That definitely describes me, ten years ago, when entering the workforce. My poor co-workers. 
The lack of mastery of these coping skills is exacerbated by the former cult member’s impoverished sense of identity, poor self-esteem, and fear of the outside world. The blurring of boundaries between the leader and the members and the need for idealization of the narcissistic leader have led them to a feeling that they are nothing without him or her. They believe that they need others to guide them. Furthermore, cult members are constantly exploited and shamed. (Shaw, 2003) This treatment leads many into believing they are failures because of their lack of success in the cult. This is true even if they left as a result of their recognition of cult hypocrisy or felt proud of their ability to leave a destructive environment. They may expect to fail in the outside world and go to some form of hell because they have left the perceived protection and path to holiness offered by the cult. As a result of cult suggestion as well as displacement of feelings from the cultic world onto the wider world, they see the world outside the cult as a dangerous place (Markowitz and Halperin, 1984).
“Be not conformed to this world.” “Be IN the world but not OF the world.” 
Case Study: Tim
Tim’s parents joined a Bible-based cult when he was about three years old, and he was raised in his family’s home in the Midwest until he was 13. Although his parents continued to live in the family home, their life was controlled by cult edicts, and Tim was sent to religious schools within the community.
This large cultic group has a charismatic, living leader who establishes doctrine and demands obedience to himself. The rules of this church were harsh, and Tim was disciplined severely by both parents. Tim suspects that harsh treatment was consistent with his parent’s previous value system. He also believes, however, that their frustrations with the high demands of the cult intensified their poor treatment of him. He believes that their first allegiance always was to the cult.
I had a bit of different experience in that respect, in that the treatment was only from one parent, and not both of them, but I do have a lot of resentment remaining for the unconverted parent, for not getting us out of the situation.
Many children in cults experience strict behavior and physical abuse from their parents, according to anecdotal reports from former cultists and those who have written about this topic (Singer, 1995; Markowitz and Halperin, 1984; Langone & Eisenberg, 1993; Siskind, 2001). Children are seen as extensions and reflections of their parents, and parents are pressured to control their children. Because the parental tie to the cult leader needs to become stronger than the tie to their children, breaking the will of the children becomes acceptable and, sometimes, obligatory. (Goldberg, 2003).
That last sentence just takes your breath away doesn’t it?
Children raised in cults often grow up feeling hated and hateful because of this harsh treatment. They usually have experienced little help with regulating the strong affects that are stimulated by the cultic environment, particularly anxiety, anger, and grief. To survive, they often have had to suppress their emotions. Sometimes, as in the case of Tim, they appear to be out of touch. This might indicate that some degree of dissociation exists. However, overwhelming feelings periodically break through.
The last sentence describes me, in my younger years. I was particularly harsh to inanimate objects that did not live up to my expectations of them. Still am, sometimes, when I let my temper get away from me. 
On a positive note, I think age mitigates this, in some ways: I’m just too tired to kick the object across the room anymore, so I just stand there and curse at it bitterly instead……Is that an improvement? 
In the cult, members were encouraged to be passive, and idealization was encouraged past childhood, through adolescence, and into adulthood. Cult members were treated as children and discouraged from feeling as if they were competent.
I always said the parents were expected to be children themselves, which was why they were unable to effectively parent.
In therapy, I encourage former members to find solutions and take actions on their own behalf. Breaking through the passive orientation to life enhances their sense of self.
However, despite this initial passive presentation, I have found former cultists to be quite resourceful in numerous ways.
The parts I have highlighted is one of my goals for myself. I may let loose on the Internet, but I am far more like the description of the passive “Tim” in the case study, in real life.
As with many of those with whom I have worked who have been raised in cults, Tim had been poorly educated and was working well below his abilities. He began to focus on his difficulty dealing with one of his bosses. He believed that he was being exploited, and initially he felt that he was unable to change his situation. As we sorted out which of his reactions were based on realistic appraisals of his boss, he began to observe that some of these reactions might be coming from the past. This helped Tim negotiate with his boss more successfully. Eventually, he left the company and developed his own business.
I’m glad it worked out for Tim. I never attempted any kind of “negotiation” with the Levitical priesthood that passes themselves off as “Management” in the corporate culture these days, I just cut my losses and cut bait, as soon as they started up with me. And that includes my last job. 
But maybe that isn’t a very realistic view of the world……….
I have found that former members often have a need to play out their guilt by unconsciously undermining their lives after the cult. Although Tim chose to leave his group, he continued to experience the threat of eternal damnation. Examination of post-cult guilt can help former cultists discover its origin and can lead to their ability to abandon it. However, as with many former cult members who have felt betrayed by religion, Tim has chosen a secular life.
The only guilt I have (and that I will always have) is that I was an anti-Semitic racist. I don’t know how exactly I’m supposed to “abandon” that, it’s a good thing I feel guilty about that!
Case Study: Sue
Sue describes the emotions that often are experienced by those raised in cults. Members are induced to use the splitting defense to see the cult world as all good and the outside world as evil. Markowitz and Halperin point out that splitting further occurs because cultists are induced to split off and isolate old affects (which are part of their earlier experiences). Doing this promotes a strong separation between old ties [and attitudes] and the cult (Markowitz and Halperin, 1984). Although this splitting process usually is applied to first-generation cultists, if it occurs early in adolescence, it can have a greater impact on the personality (which still is in development). Sue, like Tim, attempted to look “normal” on the outside, but they were painfully aware of feeling so different, and this created distance from others in their lives. Splitting off their past left each of them vulnerable to periods of depression and anxiety. Integration of the past into the present has allowed each of them to feel more acceptance of who they are, more in control of their actions. This integration also results in their having more energy to participate in life. Both Tim and Sue also revealed a split superego or conscience. They each struggled with following their own instincts to survive rather than strictly adhering to the moral code of the cult. Going against the rules left them feeling guilty and ashamed.
This case study addresses a patient who joined a Bible-based cult in adolescence. As stated at the beginning of the paper, “splitting” does not occur in second-generation adults born and raised in cultic groups, because we have no pre-cult “personality” to split off from, as indicated in the following paragraph.
Those who have been raised in cults also desire to experience all those activities that had been forbidden to them while in the cult. They often feel that they were robbed of a normal childhood, and they often engage in childish or adolescent activities. However, since they presently are adults, they often feel ashamed of these desires.
OK so I haven’t gone quite that far. But a lot of people tell me I look young for my age. A lot of that, I think, is that I unconsciously act young for my age (and I don’t usually catch myself doing it, until waaaaaaaay after the fact). According to some of the other articles on this site, that is actually a common presentation of those born and raised in cults, they appear to be younger than they are, and they relate to others from a younger perspective than their biological ages.
Of course, this shrink’s solution to that is “therapy”. How much of that is true, and how much of it is just “manufacturing victims” to drum up business for herself, is uncertain.
One day, Sue was very distraught as she entered my office. She had forgotten to take care of something at work that resulted in a missed deadline. She relentlessly kept berating herself. I told her that we weren’t angels walking on earth, and we are bound to make mistakes in our lives. My reaction surprised her. Later, she again was surprised when her supervisor did not condemn her for her mistake. In the cult, she had been taught that she was a sinner who must constantly repent and ask for forgiveness. But the paradox is that the goal in the cult is perfection: to be angels on earth. The cult left her with an anxious feeling that she could never catch up to perfection. As Sue felt less of a need to project a perfect image, her anxiety decreased. And as Sue’s superego became less harsh and uncompromising, she became less depressed. With less anxiety and depression, she became less involved in a whole range of potentially self-destructive behaviors to discharge her anxiety. And she became more able to feel pleasure in life.
I dunno about that “superego” psychobabble schtick, but being more able to feel pleasure in life would be a good thing, in my opinion. At least the conclusion of the paper ends on a positive note:
Conclusion
Nevertheless, these cases also reveal how those raised in cults can thrive once they have the opportunity to live richer and fuller lives. I am amazed by the perseverance these individuals and other former members have shown to improve their lives. Their demanding cult environments have encouraged them to be conscientious and hardworking individuals, and this pattern is reflected in the way they approach therapy. The cult leader has used the demand for perfection as a vehicle for exploiting members. It is important for them to become aware of how impossible and self-destructive the wish to attain perfection can be. The goal is to appreciate the hardworking aspects of their characters, but to lessen the anxiety and self-reproach attached to the need to do well. Therapy with these individuals needs to focus on helping them incorporate a more compassionate and loving attitude toward themselves. Accomplishing this task also will enhance their relationships with others. As they soften the harshness of their attitudes, they can begin to integrate the split-off parts of themselves that often lead to self-destructive behavior and depression.
Now, the paper does come at it from a “therapy is the answer” perspective, which is fine, that doesn’t negate the rest of the excellent points made in the paper.
That last sentence worries me though: According to this paper, we have no “split-off parts” because we have no “pre-cult personality” to go back to. I don’t know if she’s saying those born and raised in cults end up being psychobabbled for the rest of their lives, or what. 
Anyway, I gleaned a lot of things to think about from this paper, and from the other articles on the site. Recommended reading, for all three of our readers.
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